Masterpiece

It’s been 10 years since I’ve had a desire to journal. I experience feelings so deep and so beautiful, it somehow seems to cheapen the richness to share it publicly, yet today is different. If I don’t write, I feel like I will burst.

Mike and I just spent 9 days in Italy. It was wonderful to see historic sites and museums, to walk the streets and eat great food. But something beautiful exploded in my heart on this trip.

While skiing in the Dolomites, I feel like I experienced God in a way I never have before. I saw him in the mountains. I saw him in the sunlight shining on the peaks. I saw his reflection in the clouds and in the sunset. My heart ached from the beauty of all I saw.

There are a hand full of times that I have heard God speak to me. Not with just a feeling, but actually Speak to me. With each time, I was changed forever.

On our last day of skiing, there were lines of people waiting for lifts. I was crammed into a crowd. I could feel the frustration of people all around me. I could hear the chatter of different languages. Italian, German, French. I wanted to enjoy the moment and to truly be present in the moment, so I looked up at the beauty of the mountains. I shifted from being crammed in a line to seeing His beauty.

I told God, “I see you. You are beautiful beyond description.” I never expected him to respond, but he spoke into my mind and heart these words that I will carry forever. He said to me, “ Look down and around you.” I looked away from the mountains and saw the crowds of people around me. He then said, “This is my masterpiece and they are more spectacular than all the mountains, sunsets and skies of the entire world.” I felt his love. I looked at the older man to my left and I felt God’s Love for him. I looked at the younger man in front of me and I saw his beauty through God’s Love. I also felt his deep love for me and knew he was telling me that I too was more beautiful than the mountains that took my breath away.

In the middle of this sacred moment, I realized I was no longer in line with Mik (our wonderful guide for our trip) and Mike. I suddenly felt a flash of fear in the middle of all these people speaking a language I didn’t understand. And then I heard Mik’s gentle voice behind me, “I am here Alice.”

I wanted to weep. Tears are running down my face even as I write, because in those words, it wasn’t just Mik. The feeling of safety, the feeling of being with someone who knows the mountain like his own hand, of someone who knows my language but also all the languages around me, was God speaking to my heart.

As I grow older, there are small fears that drift on the perimeter of my thoughts. I don’t dwell on them but I feel their presence. What if my health fails? What if Mike dies and I’m all alone? What if..

In preparing for this ski trip, I was worried. I ski because Mike LOVES to ski. I hate being the one to slow him down. I ski as fast as I can so he doesn’t have to wait for me. This trip was different. Our guide, Mik told us the names of mountains. He described the tiny Refugios hidden away in places we wouldn’t have seen. He pointed out places he had climbed in the summer and in the ice of winters. The mountains were no longer just beautiful formations. I imagined touching them, knowing them and seeing them through the eyes of my friend. I no longer skied down the mountain as fast as I could.

In the moment I heard Mik’s voice tell me, “I am here, Alice,” I felt God’s presence. I had been skiing with this guide for 5 days and although many times he was ahead of me showing me the way, he somehow was right there when I fell. There was a moment when I was skiing down an icy and steep part of the mountain and felt out of control. I thought Mik and Mike were way ahead of me, but the moment I passed the icy patch, Mik skied past me and I realized he had been with me the whole time even though I had felt alone.

I know that Mik has no idea that God used  him to touch my heart in such a deep way. His humble and quiet strength refreshed my soul. I cried all day after we said goodbye to him.  Just  as the mountains and skies have no idea of how beautiful they are, this man has no idea of the beauty he possesses. He is God’s masterpiece. Through him, I heard the most beautiful words from my creator. “I am here, Alice.”